I took a leap of faith (which felt more like jumping off a cliff into class five rapids) about two weeks ago and shared some letters I had written my mom. Letters I had used to speak the sadness, the anger, the questions and some level of peace that I hadn’t let myself acknowledge. I hadn’t given myself permission to face my emotions and accept that I can make peace with the past. And once I did, once I took time to address the fear of feeling my feelings, the feelings themselves weren’t all that scary after all. And there were even some new feelings that began to surface too. The feelings of contentment, ease, relief—I had climbed the wall separating my pain from my real pain, but also my happiness from my real happiness.
I felt like I was finally getting my stride back until it became clear I wasn’t meant to keep the journey to my new-found emotional freedom all to myself. It had unmistakably been written on my heart—“let someone else know it’s okay to remember”. And part of that is remembering the tough stuff—not reliving it, but making peace with it. And the other part of that is remembering the good stuff too. Forgotten childhood dreams that still have time to become a reality, conquered fears, leaps of faith, and the successes that came from past failures too.
My point is, at least in my mind, it’s all connected. I serve a God who makes me whole despite all of the emotional holes in my heart. I’m not left to worry about what my future holds because I can look back in my past and know He is faithful. And my hope is that this blog can remind you that kind of reassurance is possible to have.
Just thought I’d take some time to remember why I’m sharing these letters and remind myself that there will be good memories to share too.